With a face like this how can you say no?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Time with mom
I havent been posting much about my mom lately and I dont know why. Ryan and I were talking about it last night and I think it is because I had grown cold to the disease and was just accepting it. Yesteday was not one of those days....it was a hard day for me.
Just like any other day when I go to visit my mom I am in pretty good spirits. I knew that the time of my arrival was about the time she goes into her room to take a nap. I like to sit with her while she sleeps. It is much easier for me to imagine that she is peaceful when she sleeps. But yesterday something was off....I walked into her room and her eyes were wide open (my mom is blind so this is not something new) but the way that her eyes were open was what shocked me. I went over to her, took her hand and kissed her on the forehead. I then sat down with her and started to tell her what had been going on. She started to calm down and close her eyes. It was then that I broke down. Holding her hand in mine, telling her all about what was going on just made me realize how very much I MISS MY MOM. While she is still present with us in body...she isnt present in the mind.
Its days like this that I just cant understand why God is allowing this? Why is my mom still suffering? Is there a lesson that needs be learned? What is it? Why? I just dont understand...its days like this that I feel so distant and far removed from God. Where is he in all of this?
I stayed a little longer with her, praying for her, talking to her, putting her favorite music on for her.....kissed her on the forehead again told her I loved her and left. I left in tears....tears of anger and frustration at God for allowing this continue, tears of sorrow and heartache because this is my mom, and tears of joy because I do know that without a doubt God is going to use this somehow...right now it JUST HURTS!!!!
Just like any other day when I go to visit my mom I am in pretty good spirits. I knew that the time of my arrival was about the time she goes into her room to take a nap. I like to sit with her while she sleeps. It is much easier for me to imagine that she is peaceful when she sleeps. But yesterday something was off....I walked into her room and her eyes were wide open (my mom is blind so this is not something new) but the way that her eyes were open was what shocked me. I went over to her, took her hand and kissed her on the forehead. I then sat down with her and started to tell her what had been going on. She started to calm down and close her eyes. It was then that I broke down. Holding her hand in mine, telling her all about what was going on just made me realize how very much I MISS MY MOM. While she is still present with us in body...she isnt present in the mind.
Its days like this that I just cant understand why God is allowing this? Why is my mom still suffering? Is there a lesson that needs be learned? What is it? Why? I just dont understand...its days like this that I feel so distant and far removed from God. Where is he in all of this?
I stayed a little longer with her, praying for her, talking to her, putting her favorite music on for her.....kissed her on the forehead again told her I loved her and left. I left in tears....tears of anger and frustration at God for allowing this continue, tears of sorrow and heartache because this is my mom, and tears of joy because I do know that without a doubt God is going to use this somehow...right now it JUST HURTS!!!!
Been gone for a while
So I realized the other day that I have not posted to my blog in well over a month...I guess that goal for the year is shot....perhaps not..perhaps I can change my ways here. At any rate, it has been a very busy , stressful, fun, did I mention busy...month. Here is what has been happening:
1. Ryan got promoted to Vice President of IT at the 91 Expresslanes ( this means more meetings, more time away from home, a new office and the wearing of more suits)
2. I started teaching my Engineering classes on my own and LOVE IT!!!
3. It seems as though everytime I get motivated to go out in the yard or have the time to go int he yard it is raining.
4. Bozley discovered MUD
5. We are cheering on my cousin Steve and his daughter Allie as they compete in the Amazing Race!
6. Saw the Steve Miller Band..in formal wear (not Steve Miller, but we were in formal wear)
7. Helped Anna paint her kitchen
8. Took up a gluten free diet (its hard and I sometimes have bread) for the most part I have energy and am feeling much better
9. Bozley is going through a new phase of training
10. We are getting ready to build the deck, pergola and planter boxes int he backyard
1. Ryan got promoted to Vice President of IT at the 91 Expresslanes ( this means more meetings, more time away from home, a new office and the wearing of more suits)
2. I started teaching my Engineering classes on my own and LOVE IT!!!
3. It seems as though everytime I get motivated to go out in the yard or have the time to go int he yard it is raining.
4. Bozley discovered MUD
5. We are cheering on my cousin Steve and his daughter Allie as they compete in the Amazing Race!
6. Saw the Steve Miller Band..in formal wear (not Steve Miller, but we were in formal wear)
7. Helped Anna paint her kitchen
8. Took up a gluten free diet (its hard and I sometimes have bread) for the most part I have energy and am feeling much better
9. Bozley is going through a new phase of training
10. We are getting ready to build the deck, pergola and planter boxes int he backyard
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