The Garden

I have been having fun in my garden this year and really hope to get some good produce! If not there is always the farmers market!

Happy Easter

May you be blessed in the knowledge that CHRIST IS RISEN from the grave this season, and if that doesnt do it..perhaps this cute puppy wishing a Happy Easter will do!!!

Happy Easter to all! CHRIST IS RISEN!!!!!

the backyard remodel...part 2...of many

This past week one of Ryan's older brothers (he has 4) came out to help us build our deck and planter box.....He is a ROCKSTAR!!! We couldnt have done this without him!!!!

So this is the finished (so far) product. There is still much that needs to be done in the yard. I am going to till the sides and plant yummy veggies here soon as well as plant so herbs! Pray for a bountiful crop!!!
The finished deck...took Paul (Ryan's older brother) and Ryan 2 1/2 days to build this! Now we have finish sanding it and staining it!
The finished planter box...took 1 day to build this!!!! Its 6' x 5' x 2' tall..we are planting a Thornless Mexican Lime tree in it!
Working on the deck


Right after it was done...no stain yet!
Paul working on the planter box

No job is complete without a Site Foreman!

" this isnt fair"

Lat night we heard a good sermon...it was on how we carry we the name the of Christ. But before Steve (our pastor) got into details he spoke about the Isrealites and how they would be making the bricks for the temples and would cry out that it wasnt fair...I feel like a brick maker. I feel like a brick maker, crying out this isnt fair because of my mom. The brick that I carry is the disease that my mom is suffering from.

I am at this place right now in my life where it is hard for me to "want to carry the name of Christ" as I am deeply hurt and in pain. Is it okay for me to be mad at God, to question where he is and what he is doing? Of course it is. Its just a matter of what I do with that anger. Do I turn away from God? Do I seek retribution (I'd like to see that one)? Do I fall on my knees and cry out to him? What is that I am called to do in this time? I know the answer..I just dont want to hear it again.....TRUST. Its hard for me to trust when I see my mom in pain, when I see her suffering. Where is the mercy? Why wont he come already? I just dont understand. And its because of this not understanding that has lead me to this place of hurting, pain, anger, frustration and apathy.

I dont know how to pull myself out of it. All I can do is call out, fall on my knees and seek him daily. I know he hears me......but he isnt answering..at least not in the ways that I want him to answer.

I love that people ask how my mom is doing...I really do..but I would loved to be asked how I am doing. Honestly.....I am having a hard time and I am hurting...I just cover it up well! So from here....I am going to try to trust him a little bit more with this and I am going to trust him with my heart. I know that he will heal it, in his own time......jsut for now I am a brick maker.....calling out "THIS ISNT FAIR!"

how can you say no?

With a face like this how can you say no?

Time with mom

I havent been posting much about my mom lately and I dont know why. Ryan and I were talking about it last night and I think it is because I had grown cold to the disease and was just accepting it. Yesteday was not one of those days....it was a hard day for me.

Just like any other day when I go to visit my mom I am in pretty good spirits. I knew that the time of my arrival was about the time she goes into her room to take a nap. I like to sit with her while she sleeps. It is much easier for me to imagine that she is peaceful when she sleeps. But yesterday something was off....I walked into her room and her eyes were wide open (my mom is blind so this is not something new) but the way that her eyes were open was what shocked me. I went over to her, took her hand and kissed her on the forehead. I then sat down with her and started to tell her what had been going on. She started to calm down and close her eyes. It was then that I broke down. Holding her hand in mine, telling her all about what was going on just made me realize how very much I MISS MY MOM. While she is still present with us in body...she isnt present in the mind.

Its days like this that I just cant understand why God is allowing this? Why is my mom still suffering? Is there a lesson that needs be learned? What is it? Why? I just dont understand...its days like this that I feel so distant and far removed from God. Where is he in all of this?

I stayed a little longer with her, praying for her, talking to her, putting her favorite music on for her.....kissed her on the forehead again told her I loved her and left. I left in tears....tears of anger and frustration at God for allowing this continue, tears of sorrow and heartache because this is my mom, and tears of joy because I do know that without a doubt God is going to use this somehow...right now it JUST HURTS!!!!

Been gone for a while

So I realized the other day that I have not posted to my blog in well over a month...I guess that goal for the year is shot....perhaps not..perhaps I can change my ways here. At any rate, it has been a very busy , stressful, fun, did I mention busy...month. Here is what has been happening:


1. Ryan got promoted to Vice President of IT at the 91 Expresslanes ( this means more meetings, more time away from home, a new office and the wearing of more suits)
2. I started teaching my Engineering classes on my own and LOVE IT!!!
3. It seems as though everytime I get motivated to go out in the yard or have the time to go int he yard it is raining.
4. Bozley discovered MUD
5. We are cheering on my cousin Steve and his daughter Allie as they compete in the Amazing Race!
6. Saw the Steve Miller Band..in formal wear (not Steve Miller, but we were in formal wear)
7. Helped Anna paint her kitchen
8. Took up a gluten free diet (its hard and I sometimes have bread) for the most part I have energy and am feeling much better
9. Bozley is going through a new phase of training
10. We are getting ready to build the deck, pergola and planter boxes int he backyard